Should She Let Go?
by misswhiteblack
Summary: So much wrong has been done that life will never be the same so why hold on to hopes that no longer exist right? R


Quiditch had always been one of Serena's favourite hobbies. Not just a hobby but a profession. She loved the feel of being completely weightless on a broomstick, she loved feeling the air through her hair and she loved moving away from everything. She loved the ease of just being able to focus on the balls although she really believed that Quiditch was like life itself. The Quaffle was the good times and the Bludgers were the bad times. Most of the time she spent flying after the one Quaffle and every now and then she'd be hit by one of the two Bludgers. That was the way life was and she had learnt to accept that. When she had been young she knew that life wouldn't always be easy but she had never thought it would be as hard as it was. She had never suspected that life would become so difficult. After so much had happened she wasn't sure if thing would ever be the same in her life. Well, she knew that things could never go back to the way they were before. She knew she could never get back anything she had lost. Her hands were cold from hanging onto hopes but she knew it was in vain. She should just let go, she didn't know why she was hanging on. _Should she let go?_

Her mind wandered to James. James "Prongs" Potter, her best friend, and her pillar of strength. He had always been there for her when she had needed him and she hoped that she had always been there for him but she didn't know and sometimes knowing what had happened she felt as though she had betrayed him. She hadn't been there and they had promise to always be there for each other. If he could he would have told her it wasn't her fault but she still felt responsible. She felt responsible for not being there for him, for Lily and for Harry. She broke her promise to them. She had said she would look after Harry if anything happened to them but she hadn't. They wouldn't let her. She was devastated that her last promise to her best friend was forgotten. They wouldn't let her take care of Harry. He had grown up with the Dursley's and had had a half life. If he had been with her he would have at least been loved. Loved and protected and he would have known. He would have known everything about his parents, he would have known about Sirius, he would have known about Hogwarts and he would have known about Voldemort. Yet he was given to the Dursley's and had lived a half life with them. _Should she let go?_

Emmeline was dead. One of her best friends was dead, killed in Voldemort's wrath and she wasn't the only one. Lily and James were the first of the group of go. Well, no, Peter was. Peter Pettigrew had gone to Voldemort, and then Lily and James fell. Sirius was next murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange, Serena had always hated that girl and then it was Emmeline. Now it was her turn. She would fall to this illness. She could feel herself slipping. She couldn't live without him. She had done so once before but now, having him removed from her permanently made it so hard. He had been taken but he had returned, maybe not completely whole yet he had returned but now he would never come back to her. She would never open a door again to see him coming towards her. He would never hold her in his arms again. He would never kiss her lips, he would never stroke her hair and they would never lie together again and watch the sunset and count the stars appearing in the sky. She would never have him on earth again. _Should she let go?_

The white light was blinding and she had to close her eyes to shield them. She was pull involuntarily towards the light and each step didn't seem to be her moving. It was almost as though someone else was controlling her limbs. Someone was controlling her, moving her towards the light. She opened her eyes as the light dimmed slightly. It became less sore on her eyes to look. She kept walking and there in amidst the white light stood four figures, one blonde, one black haired, one brunette and one red head. Her eyes lit upon the raven haired, tall man with a broad smile on his face. Suddenly she was running. She was running towards him and he was swinging her up in his arms. She was laughing and then she was crying. He set her down and she immediately hugged the messy brown haired man, then the red head and finally the blonde. She could feel the smile broad on her face.

'Serena,' Emmeline spoke. 'Go back.'

She stopped staring at Emmeline who was smiling softly at her. Serena didn't know what she was to say back to that. She simply stared at Emmeline. She couldn't understand why Emme would say that. How could she go back? She couldn't. She didn't want to. _Should she let go?_

'Serena,' said Lily softly. Serena turned to look at her. 'Go back, Rena. Please go back.'

Serena turned wildly to James and Sirius who were both looking at her not without sympathy. Sirius pulled Serena to him and before he spoke she knew what he was going to say. She knew what he was going to tell her to do. She didn't know how she could go back. How could she let him leave her again? Surely he didn't expect her to go back, to leave him, to be alone again. _Should she let go?_

'Serena,' it was James that spoke, 'go back my darling.' She looked up into his hazel eyes which were etched in hurt at making her leave. 'We need you to go back. Harry needs you.' Serena was about to protest that he had Remus when James cut her off. 'We know he has Moony but … he needs you to.'

'Serena,' Sirius' voice was just above her and she looked up in his blue specked grey eyes. 'You need to go back. I know you miss me and I know you want me to come back to you but we will be together eventually. We will be together soon but right now Harry needs you and Kerr needs you. You may not know but our baby girl is right now crying her eyes out next to you. Don't leave her alone. She had lost too many people already don't let her loose you. Not this way. Go back.'

'Mum. No, mum.' Serena could hear a distant voice calling on her. She stepped back from Sirius and he faded. The blinding light was back. 'Mum. Please mum.' She could hear Kerr calling on her. She was closing her eyes again. She was twisting and turning and suddenly it hurt to breathe. Her eyes blinked open and the hospital came into view. 'Mum.' Serena turned to look at the pale, tear stained face of her seventeen year old daughter. She realised suddenly she was sitting up. Within a second Kerr was in her arms.

'I lost,' she cried sobbing into Serena shoulders. 'I lost you.'

Serena's arm tightened round her daughters shoulders and she thought about James, Lily, Emmeline and Sirius. She knew know that she didn't have to go. She may have missed him with all her heart but right now her daughter needed her. In the war that was looming before them Kerr and Harry both needed her. _She couldn't let go._

'Thank you,' she whispered. 'Oh thank you.'


End file.
